The new Lekki

I am sure many of you have been thinking about moving away from Lekki. Those not fortunate enough to have a home before the 3rd roundabout, where no traffic seems to exist in the morning, would have been looking at the local listings to see if there was something you could afford beyond the noose of the 3rd roundabout, after which lane discipline seems to die and you often find six lanes on a three lane road.

Well if you could not afford to move, or decided to wait to see what @akinwunmiambode was doing in that road, I suspect you might be glad you did right now. It is early days yet, but clearly something interesting is happening on the Lekki Expressway. The snarling traffic that threatened to choke al l the fun out of the yuletide period, compounded by the added disruption of feverish roadworks, seems to melted away on the first working day of 2017, or so google maps would suggest.

I will reserve my full endorsement of the changes until the Ajah flyover is completed and schools are back, but I quietly suspect that we will see a significant change in the quality of life of Lagosians in that axis.

An acquaintance of mine mentioned one additional change that would also improve things significantly is too move the toll both from Admiralty way to Ikoyi on the 'new bridge' to the Ikoyi side to take the queue of cars waiting to pay their contribution of that road and unto the bridge.

Even more fundamental to sustaining the gains of this new infrastructure is a mass education of drivers in Lagos on how to use their new toys. I believe instructions signs literally have to be painted on the roads in English and Yoruba, with huge signs to support them to ensure drivers know which lanes to drive on, how to negotiate roundabouts and other road markings. If not I fear that Mr. Ambode's new gift to the Lekki Epe axis will soon be broken.

Serv-ish Culture

cus·tom·er serv·ice

noun

1. the assistance and advice provided by a company to those people who buy or use its products or services.
2. 
   

Question. Do proprietors in Lagos actually know what customer service is? I suspect that most of them will complain of the poor quality of the workers they have access to if this question was laid at their feet, but I wonder, do they really grasp the concept of how to deliver good services to their patrons? I hear you argue, "but a lot of these people are rich now, and they travel around the world". My counter is that you assume that they actually notice the subtleties in the service they receive in the posh restaurants and hotels they patronize in exotic places pied for by local punters. For many, the "more kpomo and moin moin crowd", as a dear friend likes to describe those who have more money than manners, (the more money they have, the more of these things they buy you see) after exceeding their very low threshold for good customer service, all the rest may fly above their heads. This characterization, though crude, may not be too far off the mark, for it appears to be a baffling concept for far too many that if you want someone to give you custom and business, it would be beneficial to afford that person a reasonable measure of courtesy and quality of service.

I believe the Nigerian consumers, both rich and poor, have been so traumatized that they no longer expect or even deem themselves worthy of good service. They accept "Nigerian business" service, (not to be confused with the mostly excellent "Nigerian cultural" service) which is great if you are a "big man" (and thus gets lots of eye service) and non-existent if you are not. Oga gets the good mornings, and yes-sirs, some complimentary water and a seat if he has to wait a few minutes for anything (oga madam gets less, but that will be the subject of another post). However, if you don't have the right cut of suit and shoes, or your agbada is not of the right material, or your car is not a 'big man's car', you get treated like a step child and 'seen finish' as they say.

Or else, how does one explain what last Sunday? The tale was relayed to me by the same dear friend (of the plenty kpomo ati moin moin fame) of a visit to a hairdressing salon. I say a and not hers, as her visit to this one was born of necessity as she could not get an appointment at her normal place and could not wait to arrange one. So she calls up a stylist that she had used before who arranges with her to come to her new madam's salon early to avoid other patrons (as she was unfamiliar with this establishment having not been there before and wanted to control the timing and experience as much as she could as she had other commitments that same day). That the lady she made the appointment with kept her waiting for almost two hours is not the story here, though normally that should be a prime example of poor customer service. It was actually the horrific experience of another patron (as her stylist was so late she did not get the time slot she wanted and consequently lost the exclusivity she had hoped for) that came in shortly after her. This patron thankfully had a different stylist, however, the establishment had only one sink (now you begin to understand why she wanted the place all to herself), far below the normal Lagos big girl standards.

So besto was relaxing her hair, and made sure that she pushed her stylist to be efficient so she got to wash her hair first. Luckily, it turned out the other lady needed longer anyways, but no one wants to hear 'sorry ma', cos that ain't going to grow back the bald patches if the relaxer burns your scalp. After washing out the relaxer, she had a conditioner applied and asked that it be washed out at a certain time. Shortly before her requested time slot, the other lady started to complain that her hair was beginning to tingle, a telltale sign that the relaxer should be washed off. So she politely asked my friend if she could cut in, and being a considerate human being was more than happy to wait a little longer with conditioner in her hair so her fellow customer could get the nasty chemicals out of her hair. So the other patron was deposited in the chair, more than ready to continue with her treatment, when her stylist excused herself for an important task and stepped out of the salon.

Soon after, the customer starts to make some feeble protests after a while about her hair burning and the lack of urgency in attending to her, the other stylist is entreating her colleague to sort the customer in chair out, and my besto biting her tongue to avoid putting her mouth inside. And guess what the girl was doing? She was on the phone. Wonderful! Na wa oh my people.

There are so many things wrong with the treatment of this customer that I don't even know where to begin. How do you leave a customer in such a state to answer the phone without making arrangements to attend to her? How does a "professional" hair stylist ignore such a crucial safety issue? How are they not aware or, if they are, worried by their liability if the other customer was injured due to their inactivity? I say they as I suspect the proprietor or proprietress (trying to be PC sha) has never told them that this was an absolute no-no. It so sad how little business owners prepare their staff to give their customers a decent experience. Do they now appreciate how much custom this turns away from their business? Do they not appreciate customer satisfaction or feedback? If I owned a service business I would ask every customer to fill in a form or give feedback in some way, and I would make sure that part of the workers pay (or even continued employment) was contingent on good reviews. I would use technology to keep watch (nanny cams don't only have to be for house helps) of their interactions to make sure they don't represent my business. Alas, I have come to the conclusion that most business owners don't know, don't show, or don't care about what is going on in their establishments.

Did you know...

Did you know that the Lagos State Government has built 3 of 6 planned independent power plants to supply electricity to public utilities such as street lights, court houses, hospitals, morgues etc?

Did you know that in the last few years Maxwell, Salt and Pepper, Mary J Blige, Chris Brown, Billy Ocean, JT Taylor, Marcus Miller, Bobby Brown, Bell Biv Devoe, Wyclef Jean and many more artists have performed in Lagos.

Did you know that Jeffery Daniels (of Shalamar) practically lives in Lagos, Joe has performed what seems like a dozen times and Marlon Jackson is a frequent visitor.

Did you know that Nigeria is the most successful nation in the world at the under 17 level world cup.

Did you know that Nollywood is now the second most prolific producer of movies in the world.

So are there are some interesting facts about Nigeria and Lagos. Are there any special tidbits you'd like to share today?

Concrete weeds

Like tender, unfettered, unruly vines, the roads creep everywhere. In Lagos, this city of hope and dreams; forget Hollywood, this is where real hustlers come to make it. One could argue that if you can make it in Lagos you could make it anywhere. A mega city that doesn't really know how many inhabitants it has, only that more come to stay everyday than those who leave. Its years behind on its infrastructure program thanks to the lost years of military rule (thanks to the gap toothed Maradona and the Forever Shaded One). Still like the irrepressible inhabitants of this great city, the state soldiers on.

Recently I have noticed quite a few road projects all over the city. Unheralded and unseen, these roads are springing up in mud tracked suburbs, with drains and the ubiquitous interlocking stone tiles that turn uneven paths into vibrating lanes in a jiffy.

There are few state governments that are as organised or as far reaching or as sophisticated as Eko of oni baje fame. Its just a pleasure to see steady tangible progress, like spring after a long hard winter with the rugged terrain littered with fresh buds and sprouting shrubs. So today, no whinging, no complaints, no angst. Just want to thank God for these small mercies and that he has given us some leaders who have some care for those they govern.

Well, enough about us. So how was your day?

Terra Kulturing

I like Terra Kulture; I really do. Perhaps though I like the idea of what it represents more than what it actually is. For example they promote Nigerian cuisine and this is supposed to be the place you take your 'oyinbo' friends for a taste of Nigeria. Still I'd rather take mine to Yellow Chilli or if they had a sterner constitution perhaps even Jevinik. I find the dodo is hardly every ripe, and their stew rather bland and they garnish their white rice with raw diced green peppers (who does that?). On the other hand they also give greater access to the theartre and their plays are of a good standard, but every show does seem like a matinee version of some grander performance.

The art upstairs is a great detour whilst waiting for a friend or for food, however labels of many are often missing and there is no information on the artists' whose works are on display. The library, which houses many obscure nuggets of African culture and history (I once saw a book on the housing market in Lagos the 182 thousand Naira) has no system or logic to how it is arranged, so finding anything means scouring every shelf in hope. Now I'm not trying to put them down, really I'm not, for it is in the summation of these individually flawed parts that one gets a special package. They are the little engine that can but is not yet there. The crooked glass tops on the outdoor tables do give concern that they may not be paying enough attention to detail anymore, but one could forgive them for having at least one eye on the larger structure they are erecting next door to their current facility.

So keep up the good work Bolanle Austen-Peters.

Blowfish - Public Toilet or Restaurant?

Chopaholic had a hankering for pasta a few weeks ago and took my besto to Blowfish. We had been there a few times before and had good memories of the food. Parking as always was an issue, as Blowfish is a popular sunbathing spot and on this particularly hot afternoon there were the usual suspects strewn across deck beds stretching out like lizards on a large stone on a sunny day. After parking in a position and manner one was not particularly proud of, we went in and sat at a corner table. The waiter came over in reasonable time (why do they congregate around the bar and avoid eye contact with the customers?) and presented us with unfamiliar menus. To our dismay, Italian food was no longer on the menu, having been replaced by a medley of Continental, Indian and Thai fare. We were informed by our waiter that Italian food was now being prepared in an upper section outside the main restaurant building by the pool, but we were unwilling to expose ourselves to any more sunshine and mercifully he quickly proferred the solution to serve us from that kitchen in our cooler location. A second set of menus appeared but the dish we wanted wasn't on it, so we attempted to recreate it by adding some bacon (everything is  better with bacon the Americans say) to one of their new dishes. This is where the trouble started as for ten minutes we could not get the cost of this simple addition.

I had already placed my order with the first waiter whilst we waited for another waiter from the Italian section to tell us the cost of the addtional bacon (wasn't going to be charged for $20 pasta again) who promptly told us on his arrival that he didn't know! I couldn't believe he walked all the way down just to tell us that. After consulting with his chef and some swarthy manager type person, a price of about a thousand Naira was mentioned. By then we were very hungry and told them to go ahead and prepare the dish, ready to make a big fuss if the price turned out to be ridiculous.

With that sorted, I decided to wash my hands and sought out the rest rooms which were right next to restaurant, and I mean right next to it as in 3 meters away and in plain sight. I had assumed that like most places it would be tucked away somewhere, but somehow in this purpose built facility this was not the case. As I approached the pair of his and hers toilets, I could not tell which door to go into as both where wide open and I could not see the signs. Peering in, I found the right one and quickly washed my hands, shutting the door behind me as I left. As soon as I had done that, to my surprisea staff of the establishment came up and opened it again. When I asked him why he did that he told me that was the instruction he had been given, and as he did not seem to have the capacity to explain why I did not pursue the matter further with him. I did speak to the swarthy manager who tried to convince me that they found it more convenient to keep the doors open as patrons often did not know when the toilets were occupied. Aghast, I asked him if he had ever seen the door knobs that showed when a toilet was in use from the outside and how surprised I was that they would open up a toilet into an area where people ate. It didn't seem swarthy manager's apology was sincere and that he understood what the fuss was about (he wasn't Nigerian in case you were wondering) and I am not sure my protests made a difference.

Some bread came finally (we were told it would be complimentary by the waiter downstairs who later came back and told us it would be a thousand bucks) and it was pretty tasty with the fancy butter that accompanied it. When the meal was served we only received one plate of food as the first waiter did not pass my order on to the second, but at this point we were grateful to get something so we wolfed down the pasta, chicken and bacon together and scarpered.

Food was tasty, but service as is often the case left a lot to be desired, plus we also didn't take kindly to eating in a toilet (I felt I could smell it once I knew it was there!).

Our ratings...

 Our Metrics

• Quality - finishing/taste/experience = (*)
• Service - professionalism/timeliness/courtesy = (--)
• Value for money = (*)
• Overall score - average of the 3 = par for the course.

Our Ratings

(-) If you must or manage am

If you must/manage am but eat as far away from the toilet as you can.

Metrics Legend

• 1 star (*) = meets expectation or una try
• 2 stars = better than expected or una do well
• 3 stars = excellent or una too much 
• 1 blackmark (-) = below par or why now?
• 2 blackmarks = poor or wowo
• 3 blackmarks = to be avoided or e don pass be careful

No more to bad service

Today, everything changes. Today we start afresh. Today we rededicate ourselves to God and the  mission of not accepting crap service coupled with the excuse that 'we are in Nigerian now, what do you expect?'. Well I expect more, much more. Nigerians have shown that they can excel in any culture and habitat in the world. If you go any where in the world and don't see either Coca Cola or a Nigerian, I suggest you back your bags and leave. It doesn't matter if there are Indians or Chinese people there; no Nigerians? That's a seal of approval, that real betta dey.

So how come that whilst we can be so great (though alas often we excel in being very bad too) in so many different countries that we settle in, that we give our selves such poor service and standards in our own country. We appreciate all the fine things that the world has to offer, but never expect or demand the same at home. We need to repatriate this passion, this finesse, this culture back home. A culture of expecting to be treated courteously when giving a merchant your custom. A culture of expecting straight lines and well finished work as a minimum standard and not a delight. A culture of not having to stand over every craftsman to ensure things are done right.

A few things I have learnt that may be of use to you if you are looking for a service provider in Lagos, where it seems our artisans and vendors and almost always in a hurry and happy to cut corners.

1. Get a referral from someone that you trust has similar standards as you, and ask about the relationship of the vendor with your referee as sometimes the vendor does only good work for some people and mediocre work for others. Always get a second (or more) opinion if you can.
2. Never pay in full before the job is done; keep enough money back so you have some leverage to negotiate with if the job is not done to your satisfaction. Be clear if there is going to be any retention money or bonus tied to a deliverable (quality, time line etc).
3. Never trust the words 'trust me'. Make sure that they give you a sample or show you work done
4. Go through the specifications and instructions in detail. Get them to write it down if they can, and if not write it out yourself. Never leave them to make creative decisions for your unless they have provend themselves.
5. Get a break down of all the material, men and time required for the job. People often get ripped off on materials so check amount proposed and verify costs, and if possible supply materials yourself. You need to be sure they have thought through the resources required for the job adequately so there is no waste or inefficiency, which you pay for in the end.
6. Don't expect that they know what is right or how to execute the job, so check that they have a well thought out plan to execute the works.
7. It might sound silly, but if you can, call  them before they come, check the work plan and ensure they turn up with all the tools required. You'd be amazed how often they do not.
8. Do not in any circumstances leave them unsupervised. Check their work at least 3 times, just before commencement to confirm they fully understand what you require, once during their estimated middle of the work, and close to the end
9. Do not ask other domestic workers in your home to supervise, they most often cannot give any direction and even if they could they may not be listened to.

Don't despair, there are good workers out there, and even if there aren't with some precautions like those above, we can make them better.