How not to drive

Grew up in Lagos Second word was danfo after NEPA Developed morbid fascination for the yellow death traps. Dreamed of owning an okada at age 5. Outgrew that dream by age 7 after the houseboy had a ghastly accident. Learned how to 'move' the car at age 12 from mummy's illiterate driver. Stopped burning the clutch by age 15 (if you were not lucky enough to have access to an automatic). "Mirror, signal, maneuver?". That's your system for calling babes over to offer them a ride, nothing rondo with safe driving. 'Chooking head' is the only legitimate way to enter an intersection. Giving way to traffic on the left is wimpish. Roundabouts were clearly meant for testing people's brakes. There's no slow lane or fast lane, you over take on any clear lane. An amber light to you means speed up, not slow down. You didn't even see the zebra crossing. Signs? What signs? LASTMA officials are there to interrupt your phone calls when you hide your handset as you pass them by. Keeping to your lane on a roundabout? What's that? Using the left most lane to exit at the first turningn on a roundabout is beyond Lagos drivers it seems. Squeezing into the 'safety' distance left by that Egbert driver and making him slam on the brakes is just good sense. Trafficating before I change lane, I'm too smart for that! The speed limit for any road is determined by the condition of the road and the engine in your car. Right of way is determined by the size of you vehicle. If more two of these resonate with you, you are most likely a Lagos driver. And guess what? YOU CAN NOT DRIVE! Don't pass go and head straight to the nearest driving school. And oh, try not to scratch any cars on the way. So Lagos, what have your fellow drivers done to upset you today?