Flies of the road

What we should do, is set up a special lane at the toll gates with a guillotine conveniently placed at head height. Then we should round up all okada drivers that run red lights and force them to ride directly through this gauntlet, with a herd of berserk cattle driving them forward at their rears with whips on either side to drive them forward. We would all laugh and cheer as their heads are neatly lopped off by the sharp blade, counting each one as a triumph for sanity in our roads as it dropped and rolled down the street.

Too harsh? Well one can dream right. Is it really too harsh? What do you to do someone who seems to be looking to wreck not just your day but perhaps your whole life by their own careless, reckless actions. It seems to me that some of these suicide drivers have calculated the cost and perils of living and have decided they are better off if the lure you into plowing into them. That way, they get an all expense paid trip to Igbobi, and if they are fortunate enough to have you cause them to sleep in the Lord, a fat paycheck will be going to his family at your own expense. They are a convenient way of travel for many, but such a nuisance to peace and sanity one feels like swatting them as far away as possible when they swarm around the vehicle and try and squeeze past impossible spaces in traffic.

Or how else can one explain the way  these modern day dare devils ride. My first experience of a chauffered motocycle ride was serene and sedate. Wind blowing through my nappy hair as we sailed down the winding streets of the university campus. If the vehicle had fallen over, we would have rolled around in the grass and laughed merrily at our slight mishap. That's how safe it felt. These days, a ride with an okada driver is a gory joy ride, where your intimate chauffeur seems hellbent on decapitating you in one form or another. They ride down one way traffic, on the wrong side of the road, on sidewalks and over covered gutters. If you are a thrill seeker forget base jumping. A ride with a hungry okada man will scratch that itch for you, all for less than one hundred Naira.

Its no wonder so many states have banned or restricted their access. Perhaps an all out ban is too severe; still we need to start educating these young men for their own sakes as well as ours. For the next time an okada driver is sent flying through the air to an early grave or long stay in the hospital, as his colleagues swarm all around you it'll be hard to explain how you're not at fault. Indeed maybe we do need a ban. A ban of male okada drivers. Have women holding those handle bars, and the streets will be safer in an instant. The rides will be safer, the spare helmets nicely spritzed after each use (plastic hair cover optional) and you would be able to breath a little easier. The ettiquette for holding on would be trickier I admit, but not insurmountable. That's it; solved; women okada riders are the way forward. Yes, InsideLagos thinks women riders and dedicated motorcycle lanes will do the trick.

So what do you think?